You're not alone
by xXEverlastingxNightxX
Summary: Lovino Vargas has always been alone. He feels like no one cares about him, no one would even notice if he died. Suicide attempt, one shot.


_You're alone, you're on your own. So what have you gone blind? Have you forgotten what you have and what is yours?_

Lovino stayed locked in his room, he was sitting on his bed pushed up in the corner with a pillow in his lap. He was tired, so tired of no one caring about him, no one noticing him, no one loving him. Not even in his family.

_Glass half emtpy, glass half full. Well either way you won't be going thirsty, count your blessings not your flaws._

He was done, he was done with it all. He just wanted to end it, he stood up and went to his drawer. He used to cut a lot, before he had found his sorce of happiness... But that sorce of happiness was gone, even Antonio didn't love him anymore. Who could love him? He was rude and stingy. Nothing compared to his perfect brother... "Oh, Feli, I'm so so sorry..." He said more to himself, knowing that Feliciano couldn't even hear him sense he wasn't even home.

_You've got it all, you lost your mind in the sound. There's so much more, you can reclaim your crown. You're in control, rid of the monsters inside your head. Put all your faults to bed, you can be king again._

No one would miss him, and if they did it wouldn't be for long... Who could miss him? He was just... Lovino, the kid who was always rude, always swore, who had no friends except for one. He was always so alone."I bet no one would even notice if I died." He knew it wasn't true, both Antonio and Feliciano would notice, but it wouldn't matter. They wouldn't be able to yell at him for not telling them because he would be gone. He slowly pulled out his knife and looked at it, it was clean, of course, he always cleaned it.

_You don't get what all this is about, you're too wrapped up in your self doubt. You've got that young light, set it free._

He had thought about killing himself before, and this was as far as he had ever gotten. He usually chickened out and dropped the knife back in the drawer and then got as far away from it as possible. "Everyone thinks I'm such a chicken, I guess this can be my way of showing them I'm not afraid..."

_You've got it all, you lost your mind in the sound. There's so much more, you can reclaim your crown. You're in control, rid of the monsters inside your head. Put all your faults to bed, you can be king._

He took the knife with him and sat on his bed, "if I'm going to die, might as well be comfy," he thought to himself. But just as he was raising the knife to his wrist he heard the front door open. "Shit! Nobody's supposed to be home, I thought I had time" he said under his breath, scrambling to the door he had admittedly forgotten to lock before. "I can't back out now, it doesn't matter if anyone's home, they won't come check on me for awhile anyways..." He slowly raised the knife to his wrist and sliced into the skin, it hurt and he hissed slightly. He watched as the crimson blood overflow and stain his tan skin.

_There's method in my madness, there's no logic in your sadness, you don't gain a single thing from misery. Take it from me._

He was questioning if he had even cut deep enough when he heard foot steps by his room. Hoping they were just going to the bathroom, he moved onto his next wrist. This time when the blade dug into his skin he let out a yelp. He tried to muffle it with his other hand but that just made it hurt more since he had to move his wrist to do so. He was now sobbing quitely, hoping he couldn't be heard. He noticed the foot steps had stopped outside his door, "shit was I too loud? Did they hear me?.. Oh please don't be Feli... Oh shit please don't be Antonio..." he thought to himself.

_You've got it all, you lost your mind in the sound, there's so much more, you can reclaim your crown. You're in control, rid of the monsters in your head. Put all your faults to bed, you can be king._

He sat in silence with his blood trailing down his wrists when he heard a voice behind the door. "Lovi, what are you doing in there are you okay?" Shit, it was Antonio. "I-I'm fine! Don't come in!" shit, his voice cracked.  
"Lovi, you don't sound fine... I'm coming in..." Antonio replied, twisting the door knob just to find it locked.  
"I'm fine, bastard! D-don't come in, it's locked anyways. You can't get in..." At this point his vision was getting blurry. "It's too late anyways."  
"Too late? Lovino, what do you mean it's too late? Lovino, let me in!"

"Lovino?!" Antonio yelled frantically while pounding on the door trying to get it to open. When that didn't work he decided to just break the door down, "if you're not going to let me in yourself, I'm going to open the door by force" he said, but gained no reply.

When Antonio finally broke down the door he saw Lovino on his bed, slumped and with his head facing down. The next thing he saw was the blood, trailing down his arms and dripping onto the bed. There was so much blood... So much of Lovino's blood.

Antonio immediately rushed forward, picking up Lovino and setting him in his lap and holding him, "Lovino! Can you hear me? Lovino, answer me! Please!" he yelled frantically, but got no reply. He decided to take out his phone and call an ambulance to get help.

_You've got it all, you lost your mind in the sound. There's so much more, you can reclaim your crown. You're in control, rid of the monsters inside your head. Put all your faults to bed, you can be king again._

When the ambulance came and loaded up Lovino on a stretcher Antonio stayed by his side. He was by his side the entire time, and when he couldn't actually be with him, he was sitting in the lobby with Feliciano waiting for the moment he could be by his side again. The entire time he was waiting one word kept running through his head, "why". Why would Lovino do this to himself? Why...

When Lovino finally awoke Antonio ran in to see him. But instead of hugging him like he normally would in a situation like this, he stood rigidly by the door. When he finally spoke he was yelling, "why, Lovino?! Why did you do this to yourself? Don't you know how much I love you?! How much it hurt to see you like that? Do you know how it felt to think you were dead?! I love you so much, and you just took that and threw it away. Y-you were going to throw away your life! Why?! Why, Lovino?... Why?!" he shouted.

Lovino looked surprised, he hadn't expected to awake in a hopsital bed, and he hadn't expected to be yelled at by Antonio. He sat there in silence staring at his hands, which were now bandaged. He didn't say anything.

"Why?..." Antonio asked again.

Lovino looked up at Antonio, and decided to speak. "I don't understand you. I was willingly giving up my life, and yet you saved me. I don't understand what about me is so special, why you even took the effort to make the call to save me. I'm nothing special, nothing important. Why would you save me when there's Feliciano? He's happier, he nicer, he's better. He doesn't try to kill himself. So why are you here now? Why do you care? I-I don't understand... I don't matter, so why did you try and save me?" He replied bitterly, tears streaking down his face.

Antonio didn't reply at first, he just stood there. Tears rushing down his cheeks silently. "Don't you ever say that again. Don't you ever tell me that you don't mean anything, that your nothing special, or not important. Don't you see? You're so important to me, Lovnio. I don't know what I'd do without you. So please, please don't just give up. You can talk to me, and I'll try and help you, so please, don't just give up your life. I love you so much and if I loose you I don't know what I'd do." He said rushing forward to embrace Lovino in a tight hug.

Tears rushing down his face tenfold, he sat there silently. Allowing Antonio to embrace him when he heard Antonio whisper something to him.

"Promise that you won't do this again. Promise me that the next time you feel like this you'll talk to me, I'll listen to you. I love you so much, Lovino Romano Vargas. You mean the world to me and if I lost you, I'd die too. So please... Don't just throw your life away, I know it's selfish... But for me, please..." His voice was muffled both from the fact he had his face pressed into Lovino's chest and because he was crying.

"I'm sorry... I-I can't promise you I won't do it again... B-but I'll talk to you... I love you so much, but it just hurts. It all hurts, and I don't know what to do. I can't- I don't..." Lovino replied, his voice cracking.

"But you can, you can keep living. You're strong Lovino, you're a fighter. That's what I love about you, nothing is too hard for you. You can achieve anything if you try for it, and I know you can make it through this... Just, let me help you. You're not alone, you have me. You're not alone"

"Thank you, Antonio. For caring, for noticing, for loving me, f-for everything." Lovino said shakily, slowly linking his arms around Antonio's arms slightly making sure not to strain his wrists. "It means a lot to know I'm not alone anymore."

* * *

**I'm still new to making fanfics so this is probably a little bit rusty, but I'd love your reviews! The song used in this is "King" by Lauren Aquilina **


End file.
